Nin-Ten-Doh! The Abridged Series
by NinjaPiplup
Summary: In an alternate world, the smashers live in a typical civilian setting. There's one big difference, though. This world seems to be OBSESSED with card games, one called Smash Bros in particular. Follow Link and his sexy alter ego as he goes on tons of pointless adventures with his friends. Based of YGOTAS, obviously.
1. Chapter 1

I've had this idea for a while now: Yugioh Abridged, but with Smash characters. Now I feel I can finally pull it off. In order to avoid making it tedious, jokes will be added, removed, or changed to match the source material better. Now, enjoy!

Chapter 1: Pilot

Link stands still, with cards flying around him. "Nin-Ten-Doh! Was filmed before a live studio audience."

"Luigi! Earth to Luigi" Young Link shouted, trying to get his friend's attention. For convenience, we'll just call him Link. "Hey, are you in there? It's your move!"

"Sorry-a, Link. Doin' this-a Italian accent makes it-a difficult to concentrate on card games."

"Ah know what ya mean," said their friend, Dedede. "Mah voice is pretteh' crazy too! I'm thinkin' of changin' it."

"By the way, my grandpa has a super-rare card!" Link mentioned.

"Well, aint that groovy!" Dedede replied.

We now transition to an albino teen, who is sitting at his desk reading a book about, um, magic spells or some shit. He was overhearing our heroes' conversation. "Rare card? That sounds vague enough to be the Blue-Eyes White Garchomp!" he thought. "And since I'm a child billionaire in charge of a huge gaming company, I guess I have nothing better to do than to go check it out.

We now transition to the game shop, who is run by Link's grandpa, Wario.

"Hey gramps, can we see your super rare awesome chocolatey fudge coated mega super card?" Link asked.

"I don't see why-a not." He replied. He whipped out his rare card. "Here it-a is. The Blue Eyes White Garchomp."

"That's-a the least-a threating name for-a monsta' I've ever-a heard-a!" Luigi said. "What kind-a looney would want-a card like-a that?"

Suddenly, the albino boy came running in. "I'm the one and only Master Hand, and I demand you hand over your Blue Eyes, old man!"

"No!" Wario responded.

"Curses! Foiled again." Hand replied. "I'm going to hire some thugs to kidnap you. I'm a billionare , so no one will even think of pressing charges. He walked out the store.

"That Hand-a kid needs to get-a laid." Wario said after he had left.

"Big time!" Dedede responded.

 **A few hours later…**

We later transition to later that night. The phone rings. Link goes to pick it up.

"Hello! Game shop!"

"I kidnapped your grandpa, Link, and then I Smashed him into submission. So could you get over here and call an ambulance for him? I have far too much money to be expected to do it myself."

"Wait, who is this?" Link asked, clearly not recognizing the voice.

Link gathered up his friends and rushed to the place where Hand was waiting for them.

"Grandpa!" Link yelled in despair, seeing the knocked out Wario.

"Somehow, playing-a card game has caused me to be severely injured." Wario said.

Hand was standing in the other side of the room. "That's right, Link. Now watch this!" He tore Wario's Blue Eyes.

"Grandpa's special rare awesome super card!" Link cried.

"What-a the heck-a did you do-a that for?" Luigi asked.

"So that it can never be used against me." Hand replied.

"In that case, why not just tear up every card in the world?" Link replied.

"Shut up and Smash me."

"Wait, Smash me?" Link suddenly said in revolt. "Is that what duel means in this universe? Smash? Doesn't that sound the least bit sexual?"

Hand shrugged. "I don't know. This is the Smash fandom, so I guess what says goes."

Link sighed. "Anyway, don't worry grandpa. I'll win this Smash with your deck!"

"Wait, I've-a been-a injured, so you're-a going to steal-a my deck and play a card-a game with your-a arch-rival?" Wario asked.

"Pretty much," Lick replied.

"No wonder your parents are never around." Wario said back.

"Gather round, and I'll mark us with a special sign!" said the female of our group, named Zelda. She drew a sign on her, Link's, Luigi's, and Dedede's hands, when put together, looked like a smiley face.

"Uh, Zelda, ain't for-a nothing, but isn't this-a permanent marker?"

"Oh. Whoops." Zelda replied.

"Why were-a you even-a carrying around that-a thing in the first-a place?" Luigi asked.

"I'm a kleptomaniac. I stole it from school." Zelda replied.

"Hey! Mah wallet's missin'!" Dedede realized.

"Hand took it!" Zelda blamed.

We now transition to Link and Hand's smash. Using his Miyamoto's Puzzle, Link transforms into his sexy alter ego, adult Link.

"It's time to Smash!" Link announces.

"Whoa, did your testicles just drop in just five seconds? And what the heck happened to your voice?" Hand asked. He didn't hesitate for long though, as he summoned his first monster. It actually appeared in front of the two.

"Holy Din, real monsters!" Link said in surprise.

"Actually, they're just super-advanced holograms created for the sole purpose of enriching the experience a children's card game." Hand corrected.

"Okay, you've got to be effing kidding me. Who wastes all their money on something like that?" Link asked.

"The guy who's about to defeat your pasty hero butt with three Blue Eyes White Garchomps, that's who!" Hand replied as he summoned the three Pokemon to the field.

"Wait a minute, did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?" Link asked.

"Yeah, so?" Hand asked back.

"That's against the rules, isn't it?" Link questioned.

"Screw the rules, I have money!" Hand replied. "Now draw your last pathetic card so I can end this, Link."

"My grandpa's deck has no pathetic cards, except for maybe Hoppip… but it also has this!" Link whipped out an unexpected powerful card. "The unstoppable Giratina!"

"Aaah! Giratina! It's impossible! No one's been able to summon him before!" Hand cried.

"Really, is that because it's so rare?" Link asked.

"No, it's cause this game makes no sense, nobody could figure it out." Hand replied. "Either that or cause Giratina is practically Satan."

"Nobody except me!" Link said. "Giratina, obliterate!"

Giratina destroyed all three dragon Pokemon.

A small albino boy called out from the distance. "Big brother! Is it time for my cameo yet?"

"How- how could you summon Giratina?" Hand asked.

"Hand, if you truly wish to know, then talk to MY hand!" Link replied as he gave Hand the Mind Smash.

Hand screamed in pain as he received permanent brain damage.

We now transition to the hospital, where Wario is unconscious. He suddenly wakes up. "I wet myself." He says.

We now transition to a room where an Asian man is enjoying some wine. A man in a suit enters. "Mr. Sakurai, it appears the reigning Smash Bros champion has been defeated by someone named Link." He announces. "Also, it's time for your sponge bath."

"Mmmm…"

And that's a wrap! If there's a character you'd like to see, tell me in the reviews, or give me a PM. I'll make sure I get back to you if they're already planned, or that I'll take them into consideration. I'm taking recommendations on who should be Rex and Weevil. It doesn't necessarily need to be a smasher. It can be any Nintendo character. Until then, see you later!


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for AmythePinkHedgehog for reviewing! I appreciate all feedback I get!

Chapter 2- Little Mac VII

Link is doing his regular intro quote. "In tonight's episode, Dedede will be played by a dinosaur."

Our heroes are playing some Smash Brothers at school, specifically, Luigi and Zelda.

"I say, Link, can I play too?" our heroes' British friend Shulk asks.

"Sorry Shulk. Main characters only." Link replied.

"Playing-a card-a games sure-a beats doin' schoolwork!" Luigi said. "Arithmetic is-a for losers! Now I just-a have to subtract your-a defense points from my-a attack points, and, uh, how do I-a do that-a again?"

"It's official." Zelda says. "You're an idiot."

"RAWR! AH'M A DINA'SAUR!" Dedede yells, as he acts very strange.

We now cut to the playground, where Link and Luigi are talking.

"The way-a Dedede was-a acting stange-a taught me-a valuable lesson." Luigi said. "I need to-a be a better smasher! You've-a gotta help-a me, Link!"

"Let me see your deck." Link offered. Luigi handed over his cards. Link began shuffling through the deck. _"Man, his deck is even more powerful than mine!"_ He thought. _"Whoa! Henry the Dark Mage! I've just gotta have that!"_ "Jeez Luigi, your cards are worthless!" He finally said aloud. "Tell you what, why don't I get rid of these, and we'll go visit Gramps and set you up with a new special super awesome deck?"

"Thanks-a, Link!" Luigi said. "You're always looking out for me!"

We now transition to the card shop, where Wario is stroking a poster. "Oh-a Lyn the Swordsmaster, no one must-a ever know of our forbidden love…"

Link and Luigi enter the shop.

"Hey-a, Link's grandpa! How about-a training me to-a become the next-a Smash-a Bros champ over-a here?" Luigi asks.

"Very well." Wario replies. "But it would-a require hours of off-a-screen practice."

"Really?" Luigi reacts. "I don't-a even get-a training montage or-a anything?"

"Who-a do you think you-a are? Little Mac?" Wario asks.

We now cut to Link and friends watching the regional finals on TV. Bowser Jr. is dueling Roy the Koopaling.

"Welcome to the Regional Championships, where the two comic relief characters are having a meaningless smash." The emcee says. "I can't believe we're actually airing this on TV, folks!"

"Man, I love-a the card-a game channel." Luigi said.

"It's almost as exciting as the Watching Paint Dry channel." Link responded.

Wario comes into the room holding a package. "There's a package here-a for you, Link." He said. "You'd-a better not be-a using my credit card to buy Smash-a Bros merchandise off-a eBay again!"

"It's from Sora Ltd.!" Link announced as he read the postal address. "I guess they heard about my victory over Hand."

"Yeah! Those-a card games are-a big news!" Luigi said. "It-a completely overshadowed the fact-a that he-a kidnapped and-a hospitalized your-a grandpa!"

"Hey, look!" Dedede shouted. Roy had just summoned a Tyrantrum. "Ahm on TV!"

"What-a are you-a talking about, Dedede?" Luigi asked. "That's just a dinosaur."

"Uh-huh-huh," Roy said. "Hey Junior, my dinosaur's a prick. Uh-huh-huh, get it?"

"Yeah, heh-heh-heh." BJ replied. "Yeah, heh-heh-heh, heh-heh."

"So, it's like, your move or something." Roy told BJ.

"Heh-heh-heh, bugs are cool," BJ summoned Venomoth. "Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh."

"These guys sound awfully familiar…" Link said as he was watching.

"So, like, I'll attack or something?" Roy said.

"You like, activated my trap card, buttmunch." BJ replied. "Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh."

"Uh-huh-huh-huh, no way." Roy responded.

"Fire! Fire!" BJ ordered as Venomoth destroyed Tyrantrum. "Yeah, heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh."

"This sucks!" Roy said in disappointment. "I'm gonna go, like, get some nachos."

"Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for Masahiro SAAAKURAI!" the emcee announced as the creator of Smash Brothers came into the arena.

"Congratulations, Mr. Koopa. Here's your trophy." The card game lord bent down to have eye contact with the short Koopa boy. "Now allow me to render your victory utterly pointless by announcing a far more interesting contest with a much greater title up for grabs."

"Whoa, heh-heh-heh."

Meanwhile, Link is opening his package. "Hey, there's a video in the package!" he announced.

"I hope it's not-a one of those-a cured video-a tapes that-a are all the-a rage these-a days." Wario hoped as Link put the video into the VCR.

Sakurai appeared on the screen as he spookily said, "Seven days…"

"Doh, I-a knew it!" Wario responded.

"That's right, Linky-boy. Only seven days until Smasher's Kingdom!" Sakurai said. "And to get you to enter, I'm going to force you to play a Subspace Game!" Link was sucked into Subspace, freezing his friends in time.

"Win in fifteen minutes and I'll release your friends." The VCR clock now reads 15:00.

Link uses his Miyamoto's Puzzle to turn into his sexy alter ego. "That's fine by me, Sakurai." He said after transformation. "I'll beat you with the cards I took from, I mean, the cards Luigi gave me!"

"You won't beat anyone with that dragon card." Sakurai said.

"You can see into my mind?" Link asked.

"Yes, Linky-boy, and I can see that you and I have a great deal in common!" Sakurai responded.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Link asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Sakurai replied.

"Look pal, just because I inhabit the body of a teenage boy doesn't mean I'm a…" Link started.

"Oh come now, Linky-boy, don't be so gauche!" Sakurai interrupted. "I was referring to our Miyamoto's Items."

"Oh right… I knew that!" Link answered.

The clock on the VCR is ticking. Time is running out.

"What would you say if I told you," Sakurai started. "That I didn't actually create Smash Brothers, and that it's actually based on mythical smashes based held by powerful warriors many years ago?"

"What you talkin' bout, Sakurai?" Link responded.

"These warriors battled with real monsters, and real magic, so as you can imagine, it was a great deal more exciting than the watered-down product I created." Sakurai continued.

"Wait a minute, you're just using this monologue to stall for time!" Link realized. The VCR timer now read 0:00.

"Well it worked, didn't it?" Sakurai asked.

"You're a cheat!" Link replied.

"No, my strategy was merely-" Sakurai started before he was interrupted by Link.

"Hey everybody! Sakurai's a big stinky cheater!"

"Oh so that's the way it's going to be, huh?" Sakurai asked. "Fine then. Let's see how your grandpa manages… without his soul!" Sakurai used the magical powers of the Miyamoto's Eye to suck Wario's soul into the television. "Ooh, I'm SO ambiguously camp!"

"Liiiiinnnk…" Wario spookily cried with his hands pressed on the screen.

Link's transformation wore him off, turning him back into a tiny midget. "You bastard! You turned him into a mime!" Link shouted. His friends are now unfrozen, and Wario collapses due to lack of a soul. "Grandpa? Graaanndpaaa!"

"Hey-a Link, down in-a front, would-a you?" Luigi asked.

"Yeah, we were watchin' dat!" Dedede added.

And that's it! Remember to Follow and Favorite, and we'll see you on the next misadventure!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter/Episode 3- My Smash Will Go On

We start with Link, as per the usual. "I'm not actually in this episode… Has anyone seen my agent?"

Young Link is on the roof of his school, musing to himself as the sun sinks over the horizon. "Well, Grandpa's a drooling vegetable. And now, thanks to Sakurai, he's lost his soul, too. I've just gotta save him. But first, I should probably figure out how to get down from here. Hello? A little help here? Anybody?"

Meanwhile, Luigi has also gotten a package from Sora Ltd.

"Hey-a, it's- another video! I wonder if-a Sakurai wants-a my soul, too."

Luigi put the tape into his VHS. On the screen appeared a blonde girl in a light blue dress.

"What's up big brother?" the girl asked.

"It's-a my sister, Rosalina, who-a sounds-a nothing like-a me!"

"The doctors have been so busy trying to find out why voice is so echo-y that they've neglected to treat my eyesight!" Rosalina announced. "So I'm going blind… Well, see ya later!...or not…"

"I-a guess my soul-a isn't-a good enough for Sakurai…" Luigi said to himself.

 _The next day, at school…_

"I've decided to accept Sakurai's invitation and travel to his private island where I'll be completely at his mercy." Link announced to his friends. "It's a shame megalomaniacs are immune from the law, otherwise we could just call the police!"

"Cash-a sure-a does some terrible things to-a people." Luigi said. "It's-a like the old saying-a goes: 'Money is-a the root of all-'"

Luigi was interrupted by Dedede, who noticed something big on the directions to Sakurai's island. "Hey, dis here tournament has a prize of three million dollars!"

"Cha-ching! Smasher's-a Kingdom, here-a I come!" Luigi cheered, as he looked at the instructions.

Later, our heroes are sitting outside.

"Hey, Luigi, remember the time we became friends?" Link asked.

"Yeah," Luigi replied.

We cut to a flashback which apparently both of them can see.

"Give me back my Miyamoto's Puzzle, you big dickweeds!" Link cried as Luigi and Dedede harassed him.

"We're tormenting you!" they taunted.

We are now back to reality.

"Actually, Luigi, I was talking about the part after that." Link said.

"Oh. Oh-a yeah! I-a remember!" Luigi replied.

The group flashback returns.

"I mean it guys, give it back!" Link yelled.

"We're still tormenting you!" Luigi and Dedede continued with their taunting.

We are now back to reality.

"Man-a, good times." Luigi said.

"No, Luigi, I mean the time I saved you from that bully!" Link corrected.

"Huh, a-no… No, I don't-a remember that." Luigi replied.

"But I was all heroic and stuff!" Link cried.

"Hey-a, remember when-a me and-a Dedede took your Miyamoto's Puzzle?" Luigi asked.

The group flashback returns for one last time.

"WHAAAAAAAA!" Link cried.

"Toooooorment!" Luigi and Dedede teased.

Back to reality, again.

"Remind me why we're friends again?" Link asked.

We now cut to sometime later, where all of the contestants for Smasher's Kingdom are getting ready to board a boat which will take them to Sakurai's Island.

"ATTENTION, SMASHERS!" Says a guy. He looks pretty young, being about in his twenties. "My name is Xander Mobus, and I will be your host for tonight." He then gets down to business. "MY VOICE IS TELLING YOU THAT IT'S TIME TO BOARD. ANYONE CAUGHT WITHOUT A STUPID OR WERID NAME WILL NOT BE PERMITTED TO ENTER THE SMASHER'S KINGDOM!"

Luigi is being restrained by the guards. "Hey-a, but my-a name is all-a Italian and-a stuff!" he complains.

"Sorry, sir, but your name needs to sound like it came from a fanfic writer in order for it to count." A guard tells him.

"He's with me." Link had suddenly appeared to save Luigi's sorry butt.

"What's your name?" the guard asks.

"Link," Link replies.

"Wow, your name's stupid enough for two people!" the guard said in surprise. "Okay, he can go."

"Thanks-a, Link! Your-a name really is-a stupid!" Luigi said. "What-a the heck is-a your secret?"

"L'Oréal. Because I'm worth it." Link answers.

"What-a does hair stuff have to-a do with a stupid-a name?" Luigi asks. Link just shrugs, and the two board the ship.

Meanwhile, Zelda and Dedede are about to sneak onto the ship, as they were not invited.

"Come on, Dedede!" Zelda said. "Let's sneak on board like Solid Snake!"

"Do our parents even care that we're missin'?" Dedede asked.

We cut to Link and Luigi. They then run into a lady with a blonde ponytail wearing a blue outfit that bears her midriff. She looks down at Link. "Is that a Master Sword in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" she asked.

"Check it-a out Link." Luigi said. "It's-a giant-a pair of-a breasts attached-a to a woman."

"The name's Samus Aran." The woman said. "The reason I was chosen to be Mai isn't very subtle. Then again, nothing about me is really subtle…"

"Booobiiesss…" Luigi drooled as he stared directly at Samus' cleavage.

"I'll crush you when we get to the island."

"With-a your-a boobies, right?" Luigi asks.

We cut to Zelda and Dedede. Zelda seems to be having a problem.

"What's wron' Zelda?" Dedede asked.

"I have to use the bathroom, but my voice actress won't admit it." Zelda replied.

"In ah'nudda few hours, tha sun will rise." Dedede said.

"What the f*ck is that supposed to mean?" Zelda asked.

"Well, in an ah'nudda universe dat has some similarities to dis one, some guy who is kinda like meh sed dat." Dedede explained.

Zelda noticed a familiar blond British boy. "Hey, isn't that Shulk?" she asked.

"Shulk? Dat limey kid frum school?" Dedede replied.

"What's he doing here?" Zelda asked.

"Who cares?" Dedede replied. "He's not even a main character!"

Meanwhile, Samus is entering the room of Roy Koopaling.

"Woah! Huh-huh-huh, COME to Koopaling." Roy said pervertedly.

"Tell you what, Roy, if I win this Smash, I get to use your room." Samus started her offer. "But if you win, I'll give you a kiss!"

"Cool." Roy replied. "Then I, like, won't be a virgin anymore."

Meanwhile, Link and Luigi are on deck with Bowser Jr.

"Heh-heh, hey Link, heh-heh-heh, like, give me your cards or something. Heh-heh." BJ requested.

"Well, you're clearly evil," Link said. "But I see no reason not to trust you." He moronically handed BJ some valuable cards.

"Say goodbye to Giratina!" BJ said as he threw the cards into the ocean. "Heh-heh-heh-heh, that was cool, heh-heh." He said as he left.

"Holy cow, I never saw that coming!" Link said in shock.

"I'll-a save them!" Luigi said as he dived into the ocean. He swam, looking for the cards that were cast into the ocean. "Must..risk life…for cards…" he struggled to say as he was bombarded with the ice-cold waves of the ocean. Link quickly dove in to save him.

Zelda and Dedede had found the others, and just in time, too. Dedede threw Luigi a rope ladder. "Hay! Get a room ya two!" Dedede yelled.

We now return to Roy's room, or what was once his room. Samus had won their Smash and had kicked Roy out.

"Get out, loser!" she said.

"Uh, did I just score?" Roy asked.

Back to the heroes.

"Sorry you almost drowned, guys." Zelda said.

"If it's aneh consolation, da sun will be up in ah few hours!" Dedede announced.

"Man-a, I can't-a believe I didn't-a save your cards!" Luigi said in shame. "Compared to-a this, my-a sister's eminent-a blindness seems-a like a minor inconvenience!"

"Your sister?" Link said in surprise. "How come you never mentioned that subplot before?"

"My-a parents got-a divorced a long-a time ago, because I-a tried teaching her how-a to drive." Luigi replied, as he began to have a flashback.

" _Luigi, stop this crazy thing!" Rosalina cried._

" _Apply-a the handbrakes, you-a dumb broad!"_

Dedede smiled, and thought, _"If she's going blind, I might actually have a chance with her!"_

Morning came. Sakurai's Island was in view. They were almost there.

"We'll both do our best, Luigi!" Link said. "You for your sister, and me for my Grandpa."

"I'm not sure why I bothered coming." Zelda said.

"Hay, look!" Dedede said. The sun was rising over the horizon. "I was right about the sun!"

Join us next chapter for adventures in the Smasher's Kingdom!... I guess…


	4. Chapter 4

**Welcome back, everyone! It's finally time to explore Sakurai's Island and finally play some fricking card games!**

Chapter/Episode 4- Lord of the Top Tiers

We, as normal, start with- WAIT! We have to special guests to take over the position of Link of starting things off! Please welcome Roy Koopaling and Bowser Jr!

The two comic relief villains are making their signature noises as they present their new show, Roy and Junior. Today's episode is called, "Huh-huh, You Said 'Man-Eating' Bug-Type!" You know what, screw these two, let's just get to the card games.

"Wow-a, an entire island all-a to ourselves!" Luigi said. "It's-a sorta like that-a book, _Lord of the Flies_ , only with a lot less-a subtext and lot-a more card-a games!"

"Wasn't dat da moveh with da evil ring and da hobbits?" Dedede asked.

"Why would any of those be on this island, you idiot?" Zelda replied. Dedede just shrugged.

The ship had arrived at Sakurai's Island, and everyone on board was getting off. Our heroes start to do the same.

" _Ah sure hope no one notices were tresspassin!"_ Dedede thought.

"Hey you!" Some random guard yelled at Dedede

" _The irony!"_ Dedede thought in discovery that he had been caught.

"Quit drawing attention to yourself, you barely qualify as a sidekick." The guard told him, much to the relief of Dedede.

"Achoo!" Luigi sneezed. He had caught a cold shortly after diving into the ocean to save Link's cards.

"You wouldn't have caught that cold if it hadn't been for Bower Jr." Link said.

"Actually, I wouldn't have-a caught it if you hadn't-a been a naïve moron and-a handed him your most-a valuable cards!" Luigi replied.

"No, it was defiantly BJ." Link responded. He looked at BJ as he snickered at everything. "He threw my grandfather's cards into the ocean, and I'll never be able to forgive him."

"It's sorta like dat time were Luigi threw away a piece of yo' Miyamoto's Puzzle!" Dedede commented.

"Yeah, but he-a forgave-a me for-a that." Luigi replied. "Right-a, Link?"

"Sure, Luigi. Sure." Link responded. He had an angry glance on his face.

Our heroes, along with the crowd, are preparing to meet Sakurai at his mansion.

"ATTENTION, SMASHERS!" Xander Mobus yelled to get everyone's attention. "If you could stop paying so much attention to the sound of my voice, you'll see that Sakurai's mansion is just behind me. PLEASE FOLLOW THE UNNESESSARILY LONG STAIRCASE TO MEET YOUR HOST!"

Our heroes begin to climb up the staircase. Zelda begins to notice something familiar.

"My limey senses are tingling." She said. She looks down into the forest below and sees the blond-haired British boy.

"What is it, Zelda?" Link asked, seeing her gaze down.

"I thought I saw Shulk again!" she replied.

"Maybe we should-a go check." Luigi suggested. "He is-a our friend after all."

"And let him cut into MY precious screen time? No way!" Link replied. "Besides, it's not like he's a main character or anything."

Our heroes continue the hike up the staircase. They reach the top. Two friends are on the top, discussing the other contestants.

"Hey, check out all the obligatory cameos." One of the two says. "Bowser Junior, Roy Koopaling, Fisherman Mick…"

"But where's the reigning champion, Master Hand?" the other asked.

"Did you hear? He was barred from the tournament because his hair wasn't stupid enough!"

Sakurai soon entered, and the crowd was silenced. "Welcome to the Smasher's Kingdom." He greeted. "Let me assure you that this tournament is 100% genuine and not in any way an elaborate ruse thrown together at the last minute so that I can get my hands on an Ancient Japanese artifact. To advance to the finals, and a chance at three million dollars, you must each win ten star chips by betting them on card games. Remember kids, gambling is good for you!"

The group was disbanded and sent on their journey to earn ten Dragon Balls, um I mean, star chips.

"Now that-a my cold is-a instantly cleared up, I can't-a wait to win this tournament and-a get the prize-a money!" Luigi said.

"So you can pay for the operation, right?" Link asked.

"What operation?" Luigi replied.

"The one your sister's getting." Link responded.

"What-a sister?" Luigi asked.

"Hey, it's BJ!" Zelda said. She had noticed the Koopa kid standing not too far away, with a grimace on his face.

"Bowser Jr, I challenge you to a-" Link began to say until BJ ran away.

"Wait-a minute, he's-a running away!" Luigi said.

"It's almost like he doesn't want to play a card game with me." Link said. They all ran after BJ anyway. Soon, they caught up with him.

"Actually, dumbass, I was leading you into this vague trap or something. Heh-heh-heh." BJ said as our heroes had caught up.

In reaction to this, Link activated his Miyamoto's Puzzle. "Super Special Awesome Ultra Special Sexy Transformation Sequence GO!" Link quickly said as he transformed into his older self.

"I'm back, baby!" Adult Link said after the change was complete.

"Two can play at that game, dillhole. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh." BJ replied as he started to do his signature laugh faster and faster.

"Sweet mother of Nayru, he's transforming too!" Link said. "But who or what is he becoming?"

Turns out, nothing happened, except that BJ started talking really fast. "I am Cornholio! I need T.P for my bunghole! Heh-heh-heh."

"It's time to smash, you strange, silly person." Link said.

"Are you threatening me?" BJ asked. "I summon my Generic Bee. Heh-heh." BJ had summoned a Beedrill.

"Wow, look at all the phallic imagery." Zelda commented as Link played Horn of the Rapidash on his Nidoking.

"What are you-a talking about, Zelda?" Luigi asked. "There ain't-a anything remotely susceptible about this-a smash."

"Now, quiver in fear as Cain's mighty lance penetrates your moist nest." Link announced his attack.

"Huh, I guess you're right." Zelda said.

"Hay look!" Dedede said. Samus had just entered the area. "Breasts have arrived!"

"You guys are wasting your time." Samus said. "Link doesn't stand a chance. He's not nearly experienced enough."

"Compared to friendship and compassion, experience is meaningless!" Zelda replied.

"Keep telling yourself that, hun." Samus told her. "What are you, a virgin or something?"

"BITCH I'LL SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT!" Zelda yelled at her.

"Can-a you guys stop-a talking about sex?" Luigi asked. "I'm-a trying to ogle Samus' cleavage-a here."

Back to the smash. It was BJ's turn, but Link suddenly said, "I activate Deus Ex Machina!"

"Hey, heh-heh, no fair, heh-heh, you can't use Spell Cards during my turn!" BJ reacted.

"Tell it to the writing staff." Link replied. "Sableye, destroy his cheap Mothra imitation!" BJ's Volcarona was defeated by the gem-eating Pokemon.

"Yay! We were totally ineffectual!" Luigi and Dedede cheered.

"I lost!" BJ said in defeat. "Heh-heh… and stuff. Heh-heh."

"Maybe next time you'll think twice before forcing someone to part with their valuables." Link said. "Now hand over your star chips and kiss my feet!"

"Damnit! Heh-heh, this card game sucks. Heh-heh-heh." BJ replied.

"Settle down, buttmunch." Link responded.

 **That's all for now. Tune in next time for more card game action. Just what I always wanted.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter/Episode 5- Zero Suit Skank

 **Well, there's good news and bad-ish news. The good news is that there is a new episode of YGOTAS! Go see it if you haven't yet. I won't spoil it. (I read a book about spoilers once!) The bad news, well, my circle pad lost its battle to Smash Bros today… but I can fix it with some superglue, so no need to freak. :3**

Instead of saying something to start us off, Link is advertising some sort of cereal.

"Nin-Ten-Doh is sponsored by Fruit Links. They're Linkalicious. Wait a minute…" Link begins to endorse the product but stops as he realizes something. "Linkalicious? Is that even a word?"

"It lets the kids know that they're tasty!" an off-screen voice says.

"Yes, but Linkalicious?" Link questioned. "Are they supposed to taste like me or something?"

"Link…" the voice sighs.

"How do you go about testing something like that?" Link asked. "I mean, aside from the obvious method…"

"Just…say…the line…you amateur." The voice told him.

"Fine. Fruit Links. Apparently, they're Linkalicious!" the camera faded to black. "Okay, where's my f*cking paycheck?"

Gah! This commercial reminds me of something! Card games! Let's cut to our heroes now, shall we?

"Even-a though I'm-a the clear underdog in-a this tournament, the-a fact that I'm a main-a character pretty much-a assures me a spot-a in the-a finals!" Luigi said.

"Yes, but the fact that you're a comic relief character means you can't possibly win!" Zelda responded.

"Ooohhh…" Luigi said as he fell down anime style.

"He's just overly excited, because this is the first episode that actually revolves around his character!" Link said.

"Ah can't wait til' I get MAH own episode!" Dedede said. Nobody talked. "It aint' gonna happen, is it?" he said in disappointment.

"Do the words 'robot penguin' mean anything to you?" Zelda asked.

"It's-a times-a like this where I-a actually miss-a my-a sister." Luigi said. He then begins to have a flashback.

Two small children are at a bus stop. One of them being Luigi, and the other being Rosalina.

"Where are we, Luigi?" Rosalina asked. "Where are you taking me, brother?"

"To the-a beach!" Luigi replied. "That's-a what you said you-a wanted, right?"

"Actually, I'd much rather be at home playing video games." She replied.

"We're a going to the beach." Luigi said. The two begin to walk away from the bus stop and towards the ocean.

"Luigi, you're the world's best brother." Rosalina said. "Maybe one day you'll win a card game tournament to help fix my eyesight."

The two walked down to the sand. "Sorry, I didn't-a hear-a that." Luigi apologized as they started to build a sand castle. "Your-a voice is just-a too echo-y."

"I love you, Luigi." Rosalina said.

"Nope. I didn't-a catch that either." Luigi responded.

"Can we go home now?" Rosalina asked.

"Seriously, stop-a talking you-a dumb broad!" Luigi raised his voice. The flashback faded.

"I-a promise you sis, I-a promise you that-a I'll-a win this-a tournament and-a win the prize money." Luigi said to himself. "Then-a you'll be able to-a afford-a speaking lessons, and you'll-a learn to talk good, like-a what I-a do."

"You lost, crybaby, now give me your star chips!" said a female voice somewhere in the distance.

"Since there's only one other female character on this island, that has to be Samus." Zelda concluded. Our heroes run over to find Samus at the Smashing Field laughing as she holds all her star chips, whom some she had taken from her latest victory, who in particular was a male wearing a WWE t-shirt and the hat of one particular wrestler.

"It's not fair!" the boy cried in outrage. "I thought disguising myself as John Cena would help me win!"

"Isn't it a little-a unfair for a grown-a woman going-a around and-a challenging children to-a card-a games?" Luigi asked.

Samus, noticing our heroes, walked up to them. "Wow, Link, you have such small hands." She commented as she went to shake Link's hand.

Zelda became noticeably angry, as Samus said, "I like that in a man."

"Back off, bitch. He's mine." Zelda said in a strange, unhuman way.

"My breasts challenge you to a smash." Samus announced as she looked at Luigi. He accepted, and the two got onto their respective stands of the Smash Field. Samus' turn was first. She summoned a Chozo Warrior and ended her turn. It was Luigi's turn. He played Takamaru.

"Takamaru, attack her-a Weird-a Bird Thing!"

"Wait, Luigi!" Link warned. "In this episode, bird monsters have an advantage over land-based monsters for no adequately explored reason!" It was too late. The Chozo Warrior counterattacked Takamaru and he was defeated.

It was Samus' turn. She played a card without even looking at her hand!

"How did you-a play-a that monster without-a even looking at-a your card?" Luigi asked.

"I have ESP." Samus replied.

"Whoa! Too much-a information, lady!" Luigi responded.

"ESP, not PMS!" Samus yelled in anger at Luigi's mishearing.

"Oh, so you're-a psychic." Luigi realized.

"Bingo." Samus replied. "And it's not a trick, so don't even bother trying to find it out."

Luigi suddenly smelled something, and it was coming from Samus' cards! "Wait a minute, all of your-a cards smell-a like car-a cleaning chemicals!" he realized.

"No way!" Samus said in shock. "How could an amateur punk like you see through my stench strategy?"

"It's-a sure lucky that I don't still-a have that-a cold from the previous-a episode, otherwise I wouldn't of been able to-a notice-a something like-a that!" Luigi said.

"Luigi needs your help, Link!" Zelda said. "Quick, transform into your sexy alter ego!"

Link activated his Miyamoto's Puzzle. "Ta-dada-da-daa! Puberty power!" Link said as he became his adult self.

"Don't let her boobies distract you, Luigi!" he cheered. "Her cards share one very distinct weakness."

"What's-a that?" Luigi asked.

Link shrugged. "I don't know. Apparently, the replacement for 4Kids wouldn't fit too well into this joke, so NinjaPiplup decided to remove it."

"Um, okay…" Luigi said. "I can-a win this-a smash anyway. Sentient Timer, go!" the living pocketwatch entered the field and fused with Luigi's Baby Dragonite to become Dialga.

"Dialga! Destroy all three of her Chozos at once!" Luigi commanded. The time dragon attacked and the bird creatures turned to dust.

"Doesn't anyone in dis here tournament know any of da rules to dis here game?" Dedede asked.

"How…could I lose…to such an amateur?" Samus said in defeat.

"Uh, I don't-a know." Luigi said. "Good-a game, though."

"Well done, Luigi. You won your first smash." Link congratulated. "Just remember you're nothing without me. NOTHING!"

"Uh, okay…" Luigi said in confusion.

 **Guess who's back next chapter?**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter/Episode 6- Everybody Hates Mick

 **When I was thinking about who should be Mako, I decided to go with a Magikarp Fisherman. The Pokemon series has had its fair share of these, and I wanted to pick a specific one, since just calling him Magikarp Fisherman just doesn't feel right. So I went on Bulbapedia, and I found the perfect candidate. In Black and White, since you don't get to see any non-Gen 5 Pokemon until the postgame, the Magikarp Fisherman of this game will only be challengeable after you beat the game. His name is Mick and he has a full team of six LEVEL 60 Magikarp. Just beautiful. So, enjoy the show, I guess.**

After two episodes of not starting us off, Link is back. I'm sure he has a great message for all of us. "Actually, I do smoke marijuana. It's gooood stuff." He said. Yeah. Ignore him.

Our heroes are on the beach enjoying some fish with an ocean-loving fisherman named Mick.

"It sure was nice of you to share your fish with us, Mick." Link said.

"Haha!" Mick laughed. "Don't worry, my friends! There's plenty more where that came from!"

"We should probably get going." Link said as he and his friends stood up to leave.

"Leaving so soon, are you?" Mick asked.

Our heroes had begun to walk away from the beach.

"Wat a swell guy!" Dedede said.

"I like that he has a Magikarp fetish." Zelda added.

Mick, however, was not happy about our heroes' departure. He picked up his fishing rod and cast it towards Link, the hook just barely missing contact of his face. Link screamed in terror.

"Holeh [censored] on ah [censored] sandwich!" Dedede said in surprise.

"Did- did you just cast your fishing pole at me?" Link asked, his voice suddenly having the slightest hint of a British accent.

"I-I didn't want you to leave, and I wasn't sure how else to get your attention." Mick replied.

"Just ask!" Link yelled. "Just say: Hey Link, could you stay a little longer? Don't cast a freaking fishing pole at me! Seriously, that's like the rudest thing ever!"

"Hey Link, could you stay a little longer?" Mick asked, trying to live up to Link's example. "Maybe-"

"Well, it isn't going to work now, not after you almost _poked my eyes out_!" Link yelled in distaste.

"I'm not entirely sure what to say." Mick said.

"Maybe it's best if we just left." Link said.

"No hard feelings about the rod incident, right?" Mick asked.

"Get-a bent, you-a freaky Magikarp guy!" Luigi yelled.

"I am NOT a freaky Magikarp guy!" Mick replied.

"Mick's a freaky Magikarp guy!" Luigi and Dedede taunted.

"At least the ocean will never leave me." Mick said to himself. "Right, ocean?"

The ocean only responded with the sound of the waves crashing onto the surface.

"Why don't you ever answer me, ocean?"

Meanwhile, at Sakurai's mansion, we find a small albino boy who was briefly seen in the first episode. He has been kidnapped by Sakurai, and is desperate to escape. He finds some pieces of cloth conveniently inside his cell. He ties them together to make a rope. He ties it in his cell and climbs out the window. He begins to scale down the wall, until he realizes something. The rope is too short.

"I shoulduh thought dis through!" he said in regret. A knot on the rope came undone, as the boy fell, descending into the great forest. "Ooh!-oh! My back!-ow!" he yelled in pain as he hit multiple trees on the way down. "Man, ahm sure glad ahm just personified text!"

Back to our heroes.

"That Mick was a f*cking psycho!" Link said.

"It's-a enough to make-a you appreciate that-a Sakurai fella!" Luigi added.

"ATTENTION, SMASHERS!" Xander was holding some random kid. "MY VOICE IS ASSALTING YOU!"

"Ahm actually gonna do somethin'!" Dedede said. He went in and threw Xander. "Mah voice gives meh supa strength!"

Xander somehow landed perfectly on his feet. "Yes, but my voice allows me to BREAK THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE!" Dedede suddenly floated in the air. To say he looked confused and scared would be an understatement. A text box somehow appeared under everyone's feet. It read: "Xander used Shadow Force!" Dedede was struck multiple times by an unknown force, as he screamed in pain. Soon, Dedede dropped straight down. "You're lucky that was my Final Smash." Xander said. "Otherwise, I could do even more damage." "Anyway, I somehow found out that this kid doesn't have any star chips, so I'm going to throw him off the island."

"Cool, let's go watch!" Dedede managed to say.

Our heroes followed Xander to the dock, where all of the contestants with no more star chips were put in.

"Get in there, you little runt." Xander said as he pushed the kid in.

"Hey, heh-heh, don't rock the boat, buttmunch." BJ said, who happened to be in the boat.

"But I didn't lose my star chips, they were stolen from me!" the kid told our heroes. "I swear it on the life of my genericity!"

"Don't worry, we'll get your star chips!" Link assured.

"You'll bring them back to me?" the boy asked.

"I never said that!" Link corrected.

Our heroes walk back to the forest, where a person jumps out of the bushes. It's the albino kid from earlier!  
"Thanks to dis awesome disguise, you'll never beh able teh figure out mah identity!" he said.

"Hey, it's-a Hand's shrill-a voiced little brother, Crazy!" Luigi said, clearly not buying the disguise.

"I heard he was diagnosed with four different mental disorders when he was born!" Zelda said.

Crazy challenged Link to a smash. "You'll pay for wat you did to mah big bruddah, Link!" he said at the smash field. He began to tell Link what happened to his brother after the first episode.

"What's wrong, Master?" Crazy asked, his brother looking quite upset over something.

"They wrote my character out of the story, Crazy." Hand answered.

"No way!" Crazy reacted. "But you're Link's archrival!"

"And I haven't been in a single episode since he defeated me." Hand said in disgust. "Since he's the star, he thinks he can hog all the screen time to himself. I mean, just look at Shulk."

"Who de hell is Shulk?" Crazy asked.

"Precisely." Hand replied. "Now, I'm going to hide in some undisclosed location. You stay here and guard my multi-million dollar company while I'm gone. 'Kay, thanks." Hand left the room.

"But, Master, what I an evil group tries te take ova while yer missin?" Crazy asked.

"Oh come on, Crazy, what are the odds of that happening?" Hand replied as he left.

Crazy walked down the hall to find Sakurai in a room with five people, who were not visible do to the lack of lighting in the room.

"So let me get this straight, gentlemen." Sakurai said. "Now that Handy-boy has gone missing, your evil group wishes to seize control off his company?"

"That is correct!" the five mysterious people said at once.

"I f*cking knew it!" Crazy said.

The flashback is over.

"For the love of Farore, are we going to smash, or are we going to just stand around having flashbacks?" Link asked, irritated.

"Thanks to you, Sakurai abducted meh!" Crazy yelled. "And mah bruddah's company is about to be taken oveh by corporate suits!"

"All because I beat him in a card game…" Link asked.

"Tahts right!" Crazy replied.

"You're some kind of moron, you know that?" Link said.

"A moron who's got all yer star chips!" Crazy said. He ran over and swiped the star chips on Link's playing table. He jumped off and began to run away.

"Damn, that kid moves fast!" Link said.

"Stealing makes everytin' bettah!" Crazy said.

"Wait, Crazy!" Link yelled. "You mustn't do this thing! Think- what would your brother say?"

Crazy stopped. An image of Hand appeared in his head.

"Well done, Crazy." The image said. "Now steal something from Luigi, too."

"Okay, but what would he say if he wasn't a complete douchebag?" Link asked.

"Yer right, Link." Crazy replied. "I'll return all tah star chips. Just as long as ya let mah bruddah back in teh storeh."

"That's fine by me." Link responded.

"And mayeh ya can give Shulk a biggah role, too." Crazy suggested.

"Don't push your luck, kid!" Link warned.

Meanwhile, Hand is hiding in some abandoned building. "I've designed these new hologram doohickeys so they'll help me defeat Link." He said to himself. "I'm sure the cold hand of science will be able to overcome his magical powers."

Sakurai's goons unexpectedly entered the room.

"Don't move a muscle or we'll shoot you with our magical powers!" a goon said, pointing his finger at Hand.

"I'm too rich to die!" Hand said as he jumped out of the window into the water below.

"There's no way he could of survived that fall." The other goon said.

"Actually, I seem to be okay." Hand yelled from below.

"Nope, he's definitely dead." The goon said.

"You guys are idiots." Hand yelled again.

"At least we're not dead, like you!" the goon taunted.

"You better not be stealing my deck up there!" Hand yelled.

"He won't be needing this, now that he's deceased." The goon said as he picked up his deck.

Meanwhile, Crazy is about to hand Xander the chips the boy needs to stay in the tournament. "We brought teh star chips!" he said.

"REJECTED!" Xander yelled. The knocked the chips out of his hand and into the ocean. He then grabbed Crazy. "I'm glad I took all those child grabbing classes."

"Unhand him!" Link demanded.

"Meet me at the smashing field in a few hours, and we'll discuss it." Xander replied.

Time passes…

Our heroes met up with Xander at the smashing field as planned.

"ATTENTION SMASHERS, I'M STILL NOT GOING TO UNHAND HIM!" Xander said.

"Wat a pointless interlude!" Dedede said.

"Wait guys, that looks like Hand!" Zelda noticed that on one of the playing field there was a figure who looked an awful lot like the aforementioned child millionaire.

"This time, Link, you don't stand a _ghost_ of a chance!" the mysterious figure said.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

"Oh no!" Dedede said. "He has even less personality dan before!"

Meanwhile, at sea…

"I sure hope Link brings back my star chips soon!" the boy said.

"Shut up and row, dumbass. Heh-heh-heh." BJ ordered.


End file.
